


Episode Eleven: "I Just Wanted To Be Better."

by iriswrites



Series: Skam Boston: Season 2 [12]
Category: Original Work, SKAM (Norway), SKAM (TV) RPF
Genre: Gen, Multi, What Have I Done, discussion of ocd in clip two but it's not graphic, i have attached myself to these hets, i love one (1) teenage boy, it's the respect of it all, skam 2x11, there's a whole therapy session in clip four so do with that what you will
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:34:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27765316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iriswrites/pseuds/iriswrites
Summary: Rubina Patil’s already made a plan for the next two years: work her way into the running for valedictorian, get into Barnard on the pre~med track, and get the hell out of Massachusetts. Yeah, she’s constantly stressed out, and counting calories is the only thing that keeps her in control of her life, but it doesn’t matter. When she gets these three things, she can relax. Until then, she’ll just keep on working.Elias Rivera is not a part of this plan. Ruby shouldn't even be thinking about him. He's just another worry on her brain, but no matter how hard she tries, she can't get him off of her mind.Control. That's what Ruby will get. She'll stop at nothing to achieve that.Too bad her body's got other plans.
Relationships: Rubina "Ruby" Patil/Elias Rivera
Series: Skam Boston: Season 2 [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1879771
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	1. Ruby Red

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 28, 5:47 P.M.

INT. LIVING ROOM

RUBY is sitting on the floor of her living room, her feet stretched out as she scrolls on her phone. KARTHIK has a bottle of nail polish next to him and is very focused on her toenails, and NIKITA is sitting on the couch behind them.

KARTHIK:  
Why'd you choose red?

RUBY:  
Why not?

KARTHIK:  
I don't know, it's so boring. You always choose red. Lipstick, nail polish, everything else...

RUBY rolls her eyes.

RUBY:  
I haven't worn that lipstick in a while, I miss red.

KARTHIK:  
Do pink next time. Ooh, or blue.

NIKITA:  
[casually] Not pink. It's too light on us.

KARTHIK:  
I didn't say light pink, dumbass, just pink.

RUBY laughs slightly, her attention returning to her phone. She scrolls through Instagram for a while, bored but not switching the app.

RUBY:  
All of these Thanksgiving posts are bullshit. I know damn well that half of these girls don't give a shit about anyone other than themselves.

KARTHIK:  
Yeah, obviously. It's just to make themselves look good.

NIKITA sighs.

NIKITA:  
God, high school was...something else.

KARTHIK:  
Shut up, you literally graduated last year.

NIKITA:  
Yeah, exactly. I know how it is.

KARTHIK:  
High school was fine for me.

NIKITA:  
You _did_ get the luxury of going to the same school for all four years.

KARTHIK:  
Okay, _look..._

As they continue bickering in the background, RUBY gets a text message from the girls.

She smiles and goes to look at it, laughing slightly when she sees that it's just a meme that JULIET'S sent.

She exits the group chat and is about to leave the app when she sees her conversation with ELIAS. Her smile falls slightly.

She enters the conversation with him and starts typing out "hey i feel like i haven't really been that honest about what's going on with me lately".

She hesitates for a moment before sending it and continuing to type.

She follows that up with "i don't really know how to explain it, but i have a therapy appointment scheduled for later this week and i'm hoping that she can help me figure out what's up with me" and sends that before continuing.

Next, she types out "i don't want you to think that i'm breaking up with you or anything because i'm not, but i just wanted to let you know that i might be a little bit mia for a while" and sends that.

Her last message is "i just don't want to ruin anything that we have with my issues rn, so i just need to figure things out and then i'll let you know <33"

She sends that, taking a deep breath and setting her phone down.

As she does, NIKITA and KARTHIK'S conversation floats back in.

KARTHIK:  
But I _liked_ the new kids. Marley and Unique were perfect. And Jake was actually a really good singer.

NIKITA:  
No. You're wrong. The new kids in season six were better.

KARTHIK:  
Season six was ass.

NIKITA:  
But it had the weddings, and the finale was really good.

KARTHIK:  
...no? It didn't make any sense. Artie and Tina getting back together was dumb as shit.

RUBY:  
Tina and Mike were the only healthy relationship on that show, but you're not ready for that conversation.

NIKITA:  
Um, no. Brittany and Santana were pretty healthy.

RUBY:  
Yeah. Them and Tina and Mike, but the writers _had_ to break them up, so...

KARTHIK:  
Ryan Murphy is quite literally a hate crime.

He looks down at RUBY'S toenails, which he's basically finished painting.

KARTHIK:  
Oh, I get it now.

RUBY:  
What?

KARTHIK:  
Why you choose red. It's because of your name.

RUBY:  
...what?

KARTHIK:  
Ruby red, right?

RUBY rolls her eyes, but she's smiling a bit.

RUBY:  
That's so cheesy.

KARTHIK:  
But it's probably true.

RUBY shakes her head, looking down at her phone as it buzzes.

She picks it up, stiffening a little when she sees ELIAS'S name on her screen, but she opens it and relaxes as she reads "you could never ruin anything, but it's totally fine, i get it <3".

She smiles, putting her phone back down and stretching out her toes as the camera cuts away.


	2. Keep Your Mind Open

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 30, 11:53 A.M.

INT. HALLWAY

The girls are sitting in a circle in the hallway, people eating their lunches all around them. GRACIELA is leaning forward, concentrated as she types something on her phone.

GRACIELA:  
Wait, Karima, your brothers are getting their own tickets, right?

KARIMA:  
I don't think that Mehdi's coming, but yeah, they'll get their own.

GRACIELA:  
And what about Bridget?

HOLLY:  
Ooh, yeah, could you get her one too?

GRACIELA:  
Yeah, sure, so that's...the five of us, Bridget, and I'm getting one for Elias...seven, then?

KARIMA:  
Makes sense.

JULIET:  
God, it's so cool how they're doing whole concerts now and everything.

HOLLY:  
It's just at the community center again.

JULIET:  
Yeah, but they got asked to perform, did you know that? To _attract the youth_ or whatever.

GRACIELA looks up, her eyebrows raised.

GRACIELA:  
Did Nico tell you that?

JULIET:  
Nah, I heard it from Owen.

GRACIELA frowns.

GRACIELA:  
Since when were you and Owen friends?

JULIET:  
We're not. We're on the same bus and he's the only person that I know, so...

GRACIELA nods, a bit unconvinced.

GRACIELA:  
Okay...

KARIMA:  
It's cool, though. Like, for juniors, they're pretty successful.

RUBY:  
You know, I knew these kids at my old school who played at the Hatch Shell in, like, eighth grade.

HOLLY:  
_Eighth grade?_

RUBY:  
Yeah, they got it through school or something...but pretty impressive.

GRACIELA:  
Okay, so I texted Benjamin...we'll see how long he takes to reply.

She checks the time on her watch, her eyes widening.

GRACIELA:  
Shit, what time are we supposed to be back in class?

KARIMA frowns.

KARIMA:  
You don't? It's lunch.

JULIET:  
No, we're supposed to have last lunch, but she said that we could come late to class today. Since we're doing a lab.

HOLLY:  
She said noon, right?

HOLLY looks over at GRACIELA'S phone and then stands up immediately.

HOLLY:  
Okay, we're going.

JULIET:  
What time is it?

HOLLY:  
Late enough that we're going to be late anyways. Come on.

She pulls JULIET up and GRACIELA stands up too, the three of them waving and running down the hall.

KARIMA leans back against the wall, her eyes closed. RUBY busies herself with fiddling with her phone until KARIMA speaks.

KARIMA:  
How are you?

RUBY:  
What?

KARIMA:  
Just...in general.

RUBY:  
Oh, um...

She shrugs.

RUBY:  
I'm okay.

KARIMA hums in understanding. RUBY hesitates for a moment before speaking.

RUBY:  
I thought about what you said.

KARIMA:  
What did I say again?

RUBY:  
About therapy.

KARIMA:  
Oh, cool.

She opens her eyes, looking over at RUBY.

KARIMA:  
What did you decide to do?

RUBY:  
I made an appointment for Wednesday.

KARIMA smiles at her.

KARIMA:  
That's good.

RUBY:  
Yeah, um...she was my sister's a couple years ago, so...I don't know if I'm gonna go a lot, I just made one appointment so far.

KARIMA:  
Yeah, that makes sense.

They're quiet for a moment before RUBY speaks again.

RUBY:  
How...how did you know when you needed help?

KARIMA nods for a moment, trying to collect her thoughts.

KARIMA:  
I knew that there was a problem when I literally couldn't function anymore.

RUBY:  
Really?

KARIMA:  
Mhmm. I couldn't do my homework. I had to rewrite everything over six times. I couldn't sleep because I'd have to go over all of my thoughts a certain number of times. I couldn't even pray because was so scared that everything I ever did was against Islam, even though...it wasn't? But I wasn't the one who brought it up. My parents noticed something first, and then my brothers, but they didn't really know what to do, so I kind of just dealt with it until Juliet realized that something was wrong and talked to the counselor about it.

She shrugs.

KARIMA:  
The rest is kind of a blur, but...I mean, that's when I knew. When it takes over your life, that's when you know that you have to do something.

RUBY:  
And it helped?

KARIMA:  
Not at first. But over time, yeah. It got better.

RUBY:  
I'm just...scared that nothing's going to help. My sister, she said that it can take forever to even see something change.

KARIMA:  
Yeah, I mean...that's the hard truth of it. But I think that it's better to at least try it out before making your mind up about it.

RUBY:  
Well, yeah, obviously, but...

KARIMA:  
So don't go in expecting things to change immediately, but don't go in thinking the opposite of that, either. You've just...gotta try to keep your mind blank. Which makes no sense, I know, but that's what you've gotta do.

RUBY:  
It kind of does, I think.

She smiles after a moment.

RUBY:  
Thanks.

KARIMA:  
Yeah, no problem. It's nice to be able to talk to someone about this.

RUBY:  
It is.

They're both smiling for a moment, and KARIMA closes her eyes again.

KARIMA:  
How'd you do on the bio quiz?

RUBY stares at her for a moment before bursting out into laughter. KARIMA smiles, her eyebrows raised.

KARIMA:  
What?

RUBY:  
You know what? It was actually okay.

KARIMA:  
_Right?_ I spent all night studying for it to be that easy.

RUBY:  
Okay, it wasn't _easy..._

KARIMA:  
For her? Yeah, it was easy.

RUBY:  
Okay, true.

They both laugh, and RUBY leans forward, taking a bite of her sandwich as she and KARIMA fade into the rest of the crowd.


	3. Advice

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 1, 1:23 P.M.

INT. MS RUBENSTEIN'S CLASSROOM

RUBY is sitting in a classroom, her computer open in front of her as she types. She's alone for a moment until the door bangs open and FRANKIE appears, staring down at his phone.

She looks up, alarmed, as FRANKIE looks up, his eyes widening.

FRANKIE:  
Oh, shit...

RUBY:  
What's wrong?

FRANKIE:  
Isn't newspaper supposed to meet now?

RUBY:  
...in like twenty minutes? Probably?

FRANKIE stares at her blankly.

RUBY:  
The period hasn't ended yet. You know that, right?

FRANKIE:  
Then why...

It clicks after a second. He groans.

FRANKIE:  
 _Fucking Nelson._

RUBY:  
What, did you have band or something?

FRANKIE:  
How'd you know?

RUBY shrugs.

RUBY:  
Figured. She never lets you guys out at the right time.

FRANKIE laughs.

FRANKIE:  
Yeah, that's true.

They're silent for a moment. FRANKIE picks at his nails for a second and then looks up.

FRANKIE:  
Um, sorry I bothered you, see you around...

RUBY:  
You can stay. I'll be out of here soon anyways, I just need to finish this up.

FRANKIE:  
Are you sure?

RUBY:  
Seriously, it's fine. It's better than being alone anyways.

FRANKIE shrugs, sitting in the desk across from her. They sit in silence for a moment, FRANKIE on his phone, RUBY on her computer. After some time, RUBY speaks, not looking up from her computer.

RUBY:  
I feel like we've never actually talked that much before.

FRANKIE:  
Probably not. We've got different friends.

As RUBY speaks, FRANKIE pulls out his water bottle, taking a drink from it.

RUBY:  
Yeah, but we're all kind of connected. I mean, I'm friends with Isaac, Graciela and Owen are literally exes, I'm pretty sure that Juliet's dating Benjamin's brother...

FRANKIE chokes. RUBY raises her eyebrows at him.

RUBY:  
You good?

FRANKIE:  
 _Nico?_

RUBY:  
I don't know. I think so.

A beat.

RUBY:  
Why?

FRANKIE shakes his head furiously, wiping his mouth.

FRANKIE:  
Nothing. It's nothing.

Realization dawns over RUBY'S faces.

RUBY:  
Oh my god.

FRANKIE:  
Nope. Don't say it.

RUBY:  
You like~~

FRANKIE:  
 _Shhh!_

They're both laughing, so he's clearly not that upset. FRANKIE sets his phone down.

FRANKIE:  
You're one to talk, anyways. You're dating Elias.

RUBY:  
What's wrong with that?

FRANKIE:  
Nothing, but Nico and Elias are on the same level of...everything, I guess.

RUBY:  
I mean, I think Elias is better, but I'm a little biased.

FRANKIE raises his eyebrows.

FRANKIE:  
Me too.

They laugh, and RUBY closes the lid of her computer slightly, hesitating for a moment.

RUBY:  
Can I say something sort of...personal?

FRANKIE:  
Yeah, sure.

RUBY:  
I know that it's a little weird, but it's easier to talk to someone about this when you don't know them as well as your friends, and...

FRANKIE:  
No, I get it. Go ahead.

RUBY nods, swallowing.

RUBY:  
I need some advice. I'm kind of...I've got some mental shit going on and I've been having a hard time balancing everything, school and SATS and relationships and shit...

FRANKIE:  
Are you asking me if you should break up with Elias?

RUBY:  
What? No.

She thinks for a moment.

RUBY:  
Well, I'm asking you if I should take a break. If I _need_ to take a break. Because there's a lot going on, and you look like you give good advice.

FRANKIE smiles.

FRANKIE:  
Thanks.

He shrugs.

FRANKIE:  
Do you want to take a break?

RUBY:  
Not really. I mean...I don't know. I just want to get better, and I was looking it up and people were saying that you should remove the thing that's stressing you out to do that...

FRANKIE:  
Is Elias stressing you out?

RUBY:  
No. There's not just one thing. I mean, at this point I just need to take a break from life.

FRANKIE:  
I...think that's called death.

RUBY:  
You get what I mean.

FRANKIE laughs.

FRANKIE:  
No, yeah, I get it.

He pauses.

FRANKIE:  
I mean, I think that you can get better and still have a boyfriend. I don't think that those two things are correlated. Despite what the internet says. You don't really need to isolate yourself from everything to work on yourself too.

He takes a sip from his water bottle.

FRANKIE:  
I feel like that's almost worse.

RUBY:  
Really?

FRANKIE:  
Mhmm. My little sister, she's got this...dissociative...something, and for some reason she thought that the only way to deal with it was to just stop talking to all of her friends, and that just...did not work. And you and Elias were friends first, right?

RUBY:  
Yeah.

FRANKIE:  
You need your friends to get through things. And boyfriends are just like...best friends that you kiss, kind of. I don't know. I've never had one. But, like, you don't need to just drop everything to get better. It's not gonna go any faster like that. It'll probably go slower, to be honest. You need people on your side. If you tell him what you need, like...space or something, I'm sure that he'll respect it. But you don't have to break up with him.

RUBY thinks this over, and FRANKIE shrugs again.

FRANKIE:  
But I'm not a therapist, so...

RUBY:  
Well, I'm going to one tomorrow anyways...

FRANKIE:  
Good choice. I don't always make the best decisions.

He smiles at her.

FRANKIE:  
But, you know. I feel pretty confident about this one.

RUBY purses her lips, smiling.

RUBY:  
You're pretty cool, did you know that?

FRANKIE:  
Oh, absolutely.

RUBY laughs. FRANKIE turns on his phone, turning it towards her, and RUBY leans forward and laughs as the camera pulls away.


	4. Normal

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 2, 6:02 P.M.

INT. OFFICE

RUBY is sitting in front of a desk, spinning around in her chair slightly as she waits nervously. After a few moments of sitting alone, an Indian woman in her mid~thirties rushes in, her cheeks flushed.

WOMAN:  
Sorry I'm late!

RUBY:  
Oh, um...

WOMAN:  
I was walking a patient out and I got caught up in a conversation with their mother and...well, you know how it is.

She smiles warmly at RUBY, sliding into her desk chair.

WOMAN:  
Hi. Sorry. I'm Dr. Rao, but you can just call me Aditi.

RUBY:  
Rubina.

ADITI:  
Well, it's nice to meet you, Rubina. You're Nikita's sister, right?

RUBY:  
Right.

ADITI:  
Nikita was lovely. Sweet girl. But this is about you, Rubina! What brings you into my office today?

RUBY:  
Didn't my mom tell you?

ADITI:  
Well, she wanted you to explain. She didn't know all of the details, so she didn't want to say anything incorrect.

RUBY:  
Oh. Okay.

She swallows.

RUBY:  
I, um...

She hesitates.

RUBY:  
I think that I might have an eating disorder?

ADITI nods, a bit surprised.

ADITI:  
Well, that's a...big thing to say, Rubina. Could you elaborate?

RUBY:  
Yeah, um, I looked it up, all of the symptoms and everything, and it matches up...

She flushes.

RUBY:  
That's so stupid, sorry.

ADITI:  
Well, looking up your symptoms is definitely a start. Why don't you explain a little more?

RUBY:  
Okay, well, there was all of this stuff about restricting and overexercising and that kind of thing...which didn't fully align? Because I didn't have a goal or anything, I just wanted to be less.

ADITI:  
Less...what?

RUBY:  
I don't know. Less weight. Less space. And then, you know, the whole purging thing...which, I mean, I'm not bulimic or anything, that only happened once, so...I mean, it all adds up. But it's not like it's one specific disorder or whatever, there's just...something.

ADITI:  
And do you know where these feelings came from? Of wanting to be...less?

RUBY:  
I don't know.

She shrugs.

RUBY:  
Maybe, I don't...

ADITI:  
That's okay. We don't have to talk about it now.

RUBY:  
Isn't that the point of therapy? To talk?

ADITI:  
Well, yeah, but it doesn't all have to happen at once. We can go as slow as you'd like.

RUBY:  
Okay.

She takes a deep breath.

RUBY:  
You're not gonna, like...admit me or anything because I said all of that, right?

ADITI shakes her head, her eyes wide.

ADITI:  
That's only necessary if we feel like you're going to hurt yourself, or if you're medically unstable.

RUBY:  
Oh. Well, I'm not.

ADITI:  
That's good.

She peers at RUBY for a moment.

ADITI:  
Why don't we start with something else? How are you doing in school?

RUBY:  
I'm good. I've got good grades and everything.

ADITI:  
Any goals?

RUBY:  
I want to go to Barnard.

ADITI:  
Well, that's a good school. What do you like about it?

RUBY:  
It's not here.

ADITI laughs.

ADITI:  
That's fair. And what else? Your friends?

RUBY:  
Yeah, I've got friends.

ADITI:  
Anyone else? Any boyfriends, girlfriends...

RUBY:  
Boyfriend, yeah.

ADITI smiles at her.

ADITI:  
That's nice. So your feelings right now, your aversion to gaining weight...does it have anything to do with that? School, friends...maybe your relationship...

RUBY:  
No. No way. It has nothing to do with that.

ADITI:  
Well, that's good to hear.

RUBY:  
It, um...

She swallows.

RUBY:  
I didn't always go to this school? I moved last year, so...

ADITI:  
So your old school was...

RUBY:  
Maybe? Um...I had some friends there who were...

She blinks.

RUBY:  
Yeah.

ADITI:  
[carefully] Are you comfortable explaining that?

RUBY:  
Um, there was just this one girl who...

She thinks for a moment.

RUBY:  
Just...everyone thought that she was so perfect. Even me. And so...I wanted to be just like her, but I knew that I wasn't, so...I guess that it might come from that? She, you know, she would always point out how we were the exact opposites of each other, and I thought that meant I wasn't anywhere near perfect like she was, so I tried...

She shrugs.

RUBY:  
I just wanted to be better. 

ADITI:  
Better than her?

RUBY:  
Better than I've ever been. I wanted to be perfect. I wanted to...be able to control how perfect I was. But I couldn't. I could control my weight, though, so that was fun.

ADITI:  
Many eating disorders stem from issues with control. It's completely plausible that that's what started all of this.

RUBY:  
My sister said that it can take forever to fix.

ADITI:  
That...can be true. It all depends on the person. But the fact that you're actively looking for help, and the way that you're able to talk about all of this...that's really something, Rubina. That's really impressive.

RUBY:  
It doesn't feel impressive. It all just feels...wrong.

ADITI:  
And that's understandable. You're going through a lot, Rubina. Many sixteen year old girls who go through this often feel very similar to you.

RUBY:  
I don't know. I just want to be normal again.

ADITI:  
There's no such thing as normal.

RUBY:  
The kind of normal where even just _looking_ at food doesn't make me want to throw up.

ADITI:  
Rubina, you can get better. With a lot of hard work and effort, you _can_ get better.

She pauses.

ADITI:  
Do you want to get better?

RUBY'S eyes are glassy as she hesitates before nodding. Wordlessly, ADITI passes over a box of tissues to her. 

RUBY laughs, but it comes out sounding like a sob.

RUBY:  
Fuck, it's the first day and I'm already crying.

She pauses.

RUBY:  
Sorry.

ADITI:  
Cursing is a perfectly acceptable way to get your feelings out.

RUBY takes a tissue, and ADITI smiles at her.

ADITI:  
Let's start from somewhere else, okay? When I had your sister, she mentioned that you liked to sing. Do you know why?

RUBY nods, wiping her face. ADITI'S smile is gentle, and RUBY smiles nervously back at her.


	5. Transformation

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 3, 5:15 P.M.

INT. LIVING ROOM

The girls are all sitting in the center of RUBY'S living room, JULIET sprawled out across the floor as she talks.

JULIET:  
And so I don't even know what he wants anymore.

RUBY:  
What do you want?

JULIET:  
Just a friend that I can hook up with sometimes. Only if he's okay with it, but...

HOLLY:  
Okay, well...what does he want?

JULIET:  
I said that I don't know, Holls, keep up.

GRACIELA:  
What do you think he's okay with?

JULIET:  
The hook up part, but...I don't know if he thinks that I wanna date him or what.

GRACIELA:  
Have you told him that you don't?

JULIET:  
Like, kind of? I think that it's pretty obvious.

KARIMA smacks JULIET'S arm.

JULIET:  
_Ow!_

KARIMA:  
He can't read your mind, Jules!

JULIET:  
But it's so obvious, I don't...

KARIMA:  
To you! Because you're thinking it!

JULIET groans, her hands flying up to her face.

JULIET:  
So now what?

HOLLY:  
Just tell him the truth.

JULIET:  
But that's so _awkward._

KARIMA:  
Nico's chill. He won't care.

GRACIELA:  
How would you know?

KARIMA:  
He's in my art class. He's cool. I like him.

RUBY:  
It's probably best to just be honest with him, Juliet. Karima's right. Anytime I've talked to him he's always been really nice.

JULIET:  
But~~

HOLLY:  
_Juliet._

JULIET:  
_Fine._

She sighs.

JULIET:  
This is too complicated. Can we talk about something else?

HOLLY:  
Sure?

She looks over at RUBY.

HOLLY:  
What's up with you?

RUBY:  
Like, in general?

HOLLY:  
Yeah. Anything.

RUBY:  
I, um...

She shrugs.

RUBY:  
I went to therapy yesterday?

HOLLY smiles widely.

HOLLY:  
You did?

RUBY:  
Yeah. It...it was okay.

GRACIELA:  
What do you even talk about in therapy?

RUBY:  
Just...a lot of different things. I don't really know how to explain it.

She shrugs again.

RUBY:  
It was cool, though. I think that it'll help. She, like, gave me an assignment or something, just so I can feel like I'm doing something to help over the week.

JULIET:  
Wait, you get _homework?_

KARIMA laughs.

KARIMA:  
It's not mandatory. It's just if you feel up for it.

RUBY:  
Yeah, she told me to try to change something up this week. Just something small, like, my room. Or my hair. Or something.

JULIET:  
Wait a second.

HOLLY:  
What?

JULIET smiles slowly.

JULIET:  
We should cut your hair!

RUBY does a double take.

RUBY:  
_We?_

JULIET:  
Come on, it'll be fun! Like in those teen movies where the main character cuts her hair and goes through some life changing transformation or something.

GRACIELA:  
I...don't think that's realistic, Juliet.

RUBY looks over to HOLLY, who doesn't look opposed to it.

HOLLY:  
It could be fun.

She shrugs.

HOLLY:  
But it's your hair.

RUBY:  
I...

She hesitates for a long moment, then sighs.

RUBY:  
It's too long anyways, it costs way too much to cut anywhere else.

JULIET claps.

JULIET:  
_Yes!_

KARIMA:  
But just...watch a video or something first?

JULIET:  
I'm not an amateur, Karima. I've cut my own hair before.

KARIMA:  
Really? Do I need to remind you of your bangs in seventh grade?

JULIET:  
Okay, now _that's_ just cold...

As JULIET and KARIMA continue arguing in the background, RUBY looks over at GRACIELA, who shrugs, laughing. Slowly, RUBY smiles herself, pushing her hair off of her shoulders.

INT. BATHROOM

CUT TO: some time later. RUBY is sitting in front of the bathroom mirror, looking slightly nervous. Her hair is pulled back. Behind her, JULIET is squinting at her phone, and the other girls observe from the back.

JULIET:  
Okay, so it just says to start slow. So maybe I should just...

As she ties RUBY'S ponytail into sections, RUBY raises her eyebrows.

RUBY:  
Didn't you say that you've done this before?

JULIET:  
To myself? Yeah. But never on anyone else.

HOLLY:  
Wait, then why did you suggest it?

JULIET:  
Because it's probably easier on other people, right?

She picks up a pair of scissors.

JULIET:  
Good thing you've got these cool scissors.

She spins them around, and the room explodes.

GRACIELA:  
Maybe you should put those down?

JULIET laughs.

JULIET:  
Relax, it's fine!

She focuses on RUBY'S hair, positioning the scissors in her hand. Behind her, GRACIELA appraises herself.

GRACIELA:  
Maybe I should cut my hair too.

KARIMA:  
It looks fine to me.

GRACIELA:  
Yeah, but...you know when you're having an identity crisis and you try to solve it with a bangs.

KARIMA stares at her for a moment, and GRACIELA bursts out laughing.

HOLLY:  
Please don't give yourself bangs.

JULIET:  
Guys, please don't...

GRACIELA:  
No, I'd look like crap with them, but...I don't know. It would be fun.

HOLLY:  
We have different definitions of fun.

KARIMA:  
It depends on the bangs, though. Like straight across? No way, but those curtain bangs...

HOLLY:  
Ooh, those would be nice~~

JULIET:  
_Fuck!_

RUBY'S mouth falls open. In her hand, JULIET is holding enough of RUBY'S hair that it goes to about halfway down her chest.

RUBY:  
_Juliet!_

JULIET:  
Oh, this is _not_ good...

HOLLY:  
What did you _do?_

JULIET:  
You guys were distracting me!

KARIMA:  
Well, can you fix it?

JULIET:  
Probably? It might take a while, but...

RUBY:  
You better fix it.

JULIET:  
Anything for you, my love.

RUBY snorts. Surprisingly, she's not that upset~~and she's shocked by that too. Someone knocks on the bathroom door, and then it opens.

SHIVANI:  
Girls, what~~

She stops, doing a double take.

SHIVANI:  
Oh my god.

RUBY:  
It's Aditi endorsed, Aai, it's fine.

SHIVANI raises her eyebrows.

SHIVANI:  
And you were okay with this?

RUBY:  
Yeah, why not?

SHIVANI nods, mildly impressed.

SHIVANI:  
Okay, well...if you need me to call anyone to fix it...

JULIET:  
You'll love it, Ms. Patil!

SHIVANI nods again, unconvinced.

SHIVANI:  
Right. Call me if you need anything.

She closes the bathroom door, and after a moment, the girls burst out into laughter.

RUBY:  
Under any other circumstances she'd lose her shit.

KARIMA:  
That's one good thing that comes out of this, I guess. You can get away with things sometimes.

RUBY laughs, and as JULIET continues working on her hair, she smiles at herself in the mirror, somewhat at peace.

CUT TO: more time later.

RUBY is standing in front of the mirror, alone now. Her hair looks miles better~~it's shoulder length, and we can see her face more.

She stares at herself for a while, thinking. Her eyes fall on an unopened red lipstick on the counter. She thinks for another moment, then reaches forward and picks it up.

She opens it, slowly applying it to her lips. She removes a smudge of it from the corner of her mouth and looks at herself again. She can finally recognize herself again.

She fixes her hair and smiles at herself before turning around and exiting the bathroom, and we cut to black.


	6. Life Is Now

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 4, 7:13 P.M.

EXT. ROOFTOP

RUBY stands alone on the rooftop, her jacket pulled tightly around her. Her hair is pinned up, her lipstick perfect. She's looking at her feet.

After a couple of moments, she can hear footsteps, and she looks up abruptly. A smile plays at her lips.

RUBY:  
Hey.

ELIAS is standing in front of her, his hands in his pockets. He smiles at her.

ELIAS:  
Hi.

His eyes flick upward and widen.

ELIAS:  
Oh my god, your hair.

RUBY laughs.

RUBY:  
Yeah. Impulse decision.

She looks a bit nervous.

RUBY:  
Why? Is it that bad?

ELIAS:  
No way, it looks really good.

He shrugs.

ELIAS:  
I saw it on Juliet's story, but I didn't realize it would be that short. But I like it.

RUBY smiles.

RUBY:  
Well, thanks.

She hesitates. ELIAS waits as she tries to gather her thoughts.

ELIAS:  
Everything okay?

RUBY:  
Yeah, I'm just...

She swallows.

RUBY:  
I feel like I should explain some things.

ELIAS:  
You don't have to.

RUBY:  
No, I want to.

ELIAS nods, and RUBY pauses to think again.

RUBY:  
I'm just gonna say it. I, uh...

She takes a deep breath

RUBY:  
I have an eating disorder.

ELIAS nods again, his eyes slightly wide.

ELIAS:  
Okay.

RUBY:  
Okay?

ELIAS:  
I mean...I guess? I could kinda tell something was up, and I thought that it might have to do with that, but...I wasn't really sure. 

RUBY nods.

RUBY:  
Yeah, I mean...it's been building up.

She sighs.

RUBY:  
For a while. For at least a year, probably. There was, um...

She takes another deep breath.

RUBY:  
A lot happened at my old school, but it wasn't just that. It had all been there before, but last year...well, I had this best friend, and she was perfect, and I wanted to be like her, so the only way to deal with that was by...

ELIAS nods in realization.

ELIAS:  
Controlling...that.

RUBY:  
Not even just that. I wanted to control _everything,_ but I couldn't, nothing except for my weight. So I just...focused all of my energy into that. And I didn't think that it was getting bad, not really, but it was kind of obvious that it was. Even to me. I wasn't really losing anything, but I could feel myself getting worse. I was always tired, angry, I had no motivation...

She laughs bitterly.

RUBY:  
I don't even know why I'm talking about this like it's over.

ELIAS:  
I mean...it hasn't really been that much time, has it? It'll just gets easier to deal with, and then you can live your life normally.

RUBY stares at him for a moment. ELIAS shrugs.

ELIAS:  
I don't know how to explain it, I just...I mean, just because it's mental doesn't mean that it's not an illness, right? There are some illnesses that take a while to get over, but it gets easier to deal with over time. I think that it's sort of the same thing.

RUBY:  
But that's different, that's...

ELIAS:  
It's like someone with asthma, I think. Like...it's really bad when you're younger, and then it sort of starts to go away sometimes. And then all of a sudden you're sixteen and you don't have to use an inhaler anymore.

RUBY smiles slightly.

RUBY:  
I had asthma.

ELIAS laughs.

ELIAS:  
See? You get it.

He nods to himself for a moment.

ELIAS:  
But...yeah. It's kind of like that. That was kind of dumb, but~~

RUBY:  
It made sense to me, I think.

ELIAS:  
Great, because I was kind of making that up as I went.

RUBY laughs.

RUBY:  
Yeah, I could tell.

They stand there for a moment, both just smiling and looking in different directions, until finally ELIAS speaks. He looks a bit worried.

ELIAS:  
So...

RUBY:  
What?

ELIAS:  
Is this just...

He shrugs. RUBY is confused.

RUBY:  
Okay, I'm lost.

ELIAS:  
Is this it?

RUBY frowns.

RUBY:  
For what?

ELIAS doesn't answer, and suddenly it hits RUBY.

RUBY:  
Oh.

ELIAS:  
I'm just asking, I don't~~

RUBY:  
Do you want it to be?

ELIAS:  
What? No!

RUBY:  
Then what...

She's still confused. ELIAS swallows, thinking.

ELIAS:  
I just don't want it to be too much.

RUBY:  
For you?

ELIAS:  
That's~~no, not for _me,_ for...

He doesn't finish his sentence. RUBY frowns again.

RUBY:  
For _me?_

ELIAS:  
I just don't wanna overwhelm you.

RUBY:  
...but you're not.

ELIAS:  
Yeah. Now.

RUBY:  
What are you talking about?

He shrugs, still not meeting her eyes.

ELIAS:  
If it gets too much...I don't want that to be because of me, you know? I don't...I mean, you obviously come first, and I don't want anything to get in the way of that, so...I don't know. I don't want to lose you, but...if I have to, it's it good for you, then I can manage it.

RUBY takes a moment to think~~she's a bit in shock.

RUBY:  
Elias, I'm not breaking up with you.

ELIAS:  
Okay, but...

RUBY:  
Look, right now, I'm not overwhelmed or whatever. And I think that...what I mean is that we should focus on now. Both of us. 

She nods to herself.

RUBY:  
I think that over the last couple of months I've kind of been learning to stop worrying about the future. Because what's the point? It's all gonna happen anyways, right? So is there really any reason to freak out over it?

She shrugs.

RUBY:  
I don't think so. I think that...life is now. And I think that I like whatever it is that we have, and I don't see why that has to end just because I'm going through something that isn't even really related to any of this.

ELIAS:  
Are you sure?

RUBY:  
Am I not being obvious enough? I'm kind of in love with you, Elias. And that's not something that I'm gonna say to just anyone. I love you, and you're not just anyone, and I'm not gonna just give up on that just because I need help.

She pauses.

RUBY:  
I can get better and still love you, all at the same time.

ELIAS stares at her for a moment, and then slowly, he smiles.

ELIAS:  
You love me.

RUBY lets out a breath.

RUBY:  
Yeah. I do.

ELIAS smiles at her for another moment, and RUBY bites her lip.

RUBY:  
Was that not~~

ELIAS laughs.

ELIAS:  
Of course I love you too, you dork.

RUBY:  
Thank god, because it was gonna be really awkward if you didn't~~

ELIAS has already crossed the space between them and kissed her before she can finish her sentence. She smiles into it.

After she pulls away, she pokes his cheek.

RUBY:  
And give up _that?_ How could I do that?

ELIAS laughs again.

ELIAS:  
You're the worst.

RUBY:  
You love me.

ELIAS:  
Mhmm.

She smiles, kissing him again, as _Love You For A Long Time_ by Maggie Rogers begins to play.

_CUT TO BLACK AS THE SONG CONTINUES_

_CUT TO END CREDITS_

**Author's Note:**

> hmu on tumblr @paint-dreamscapes-on-the-wall


End file.
